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Sentimentality

Last night we moved our first belongings from our current apartment into our new home. It was both exhilarating and intimidating. While we’re thrilled to have the hard work of cleaning up and painting our new apartment behind us, the sadness of leaving our old apartment is quickly setting in, for me at least.

I’ve always been pretty sentimental towards places I’ve lived. Having a home where I feel safe is extremely important to me. And as I look back, each move away from my home has been equally bittersweet. I long for those perfect moments spent in my old home that allow closure and adequately commemorate the end of a season without putting too much glee in the changes ahead. Despite whether I was allowed this closure or not, I have always managed to create a new home in the next place God put me. But that doesn’t make leaving a home easy.

Each day this week, as we near moving day when we’ll rent the big truck and finish the task of relocating, I’ve thought about how this may be the last time we do X in our home. Last Sunday breakfast. Last walk around the block. Last time I lose my phone in the bedroom because I haven’t put the laundry away… Sometimes it feels like this level of sentimentality is unhealthy. I find myself pretty attached to those memories which seem to try to persuade me to stay and give up the adventure of new changes on the horizon. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed a tear (or a few hundred) over this upcoming change, after all, this apartment was most definitely an answer to prayer and was where Ben and I began our married lives together, but there comes a point when sentimentality needs to take a backseat to necessary change.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m excited for the change, too. Getting to redecorate a new home and create a space that is comfortable to live in is something I am eagerly looking forward to! The growth of my relationship with Ben throughout all of this is also something to celebrate. We will also have many more opportunities to grow in terms of our dreams and plans for owning land and building our own home, which are both very exciting changes to look forward to! But for some reason it feels to me like the joy of impending change can take away from the sentimentality of moving away from the present.

Life changes like these also bring with them a certain level of unpredictability and uncertainty which strictly contradict my desire for safety and security that I find in my “home.” Change is hard, but we were not meant to live stagnant lives. And for us as Christians, this world does not house our true home anyhow. This reminder gives me hope, that even though the sentimentality might be bittersweet at this time, I will eventually move for a last time and reside in my Father’s house where there will be no sorrow, only joy!

The lyrics of a song I recently heard on the radio seem to sum up my feelings quite nicely…

All I know is I’m not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

(Building 429, “Where I Belong”)

Needing to belong and needing a home are innate desires in every human being. I think this is ultimately the foundation of the amount of sentiment I place on my home and why it is so hard to change. But I am grateful that I can rest in the fact that my ultimate home in eternity with Christ will perfectly meet each need I have, and my move there will not be accompanied by sorrow!

While I’m on this earth, however, change is still hard, even excruciating at times. And being sentimental about my home makes the change harder. But for now, I am extremely grateful for the new home we will live in. I am thankful for the memories of our first home that I will carry with me always. And I am excited for the time Ben and I had in our first apartment together, excited for our move, and excited to experience all the new memories we will soon make in our new place!

 

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